So today is day 2 in Dublin and I still somehow feel exhausted. Is that what jet lag does to you? Gross.
Yesterday was a strange day. I felt the inevitable sleep-deprived crash coming while still on the plane, so I finally took the adderall that I had sitting in my closet for over a year. My flight came in at 7am, just as the adderall was taking effect. I arrived at my hostel at 9am, knowing that I couldn’t check in until 2, to drop my luggage off at a locker. I had absolutely no idea what I should do, and I definitely wasn’t hungry, so I proceeded to wander aimlessly through the city for 3 hours in attempt to both get a feel for Dublin and also tire myself out so I could nap after checking in. I was successful with both of these.
Crossing the Street
Someone had told me back in the US to take precautions while crossing the street.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because cars drive on the opposite side and you can get hit.”
I remember brushing that off and thinking, “Pfft - like I don’t know how to look the correct way. Columbus has one-ways all over and I’m used to looking to the right!”
But like - no, no I am not when I don’t see a “ONE WAY —>” sign right there. I didn’t realize how engrained in me it is to look to the left first when crossing a street until I got here. Conveniently at every crosswalk, the city of Dublin has painted “LOOK RIGHT —>” on the pavement; I suppose because it is weird to drive on the left in the rest of Western Europe (and maybe the world? I don’t know the driving normalcies of every country ever). If not for these little reminders, I might have been roadkill by now after walking around Dublin half-asleep for hours.
Making Choices
Making choices about what to do and where to go has been weird. I’ve always had to consider other people and give up a certain level of freedom because of that in regards to making choices about going places and doing things. Save for the summer I spent in Ann Arbor a few years ago, almost every decision I’ve made about what to “do” has relied on other people, whether it be going to a movie or a bar or a restaurant, as these are things I have never done on my own. When you have another person with you, there’s something to fall back on if the choice ends up being a shitty choice. You can laugh at how the food at the restaurant sucks and you can talk over the shitty music playing and you can complain to each other about the bad service. But alone, it’s just you and your shitty choice. So I’ve found myself over-researching places and wondering if I should go or just stay at the hostel. I have social anxiety and I find myself asking the silly questions of, “well what if the bar is full and I have nowhere to sit? I can’t eat at a table alone,” and “What if I do something stupid like walk up to the counter instead of knowing that there’s table service,” (this actually just happened like an hour ago and it was far less humiliating than I thought) and “What if there’s no one to talk to and I sit there all alone?”
And literally all of these things have happened in the past day, and at no point were they as bad as I made it out to be in my head. The first bar I went to - Mulligan’s - was brightly lit and quiet and full of regulars. I did a search for a good, non-touristy bar and this one came up. So I thought, “Why not get a beer before I head to the hostel for a nap?” and when I went in, I immediately felt a little out of place. After ordering my beer the bartender responded by telling me “Okay that’ll be 5 euro” and in my head I was like, Oh shit I don’t know pub culture here. Are tabs a thing? Would it be strange to give him my card to start a tab? So when I asked, he just looked at me like, “Uh - yeah just keep your card.” I’ve since paid close attention (especially at the other pub I visited last night) and noticed that people tend to pay for their drinks on the spot and with cash. So, no cards, no tabs. Noted. I sat at that bar for an hour and a half, talking to no one and doing nothing. I felt anxious until I really thought about it for a second and realized that I didn’t really WANT to talk to anyone to do anything; I was tired and wanted to just sit there and sip a beer. So why was I feeling anxious about that? Maybe because I’m not used to sitting at bars alone, doing nothing.
After getting back to the hostel from Mulligan’s, I proceeded to pass right the fuck out for 5 hours. After unsuccessfully trying to go back to sleep, I got up and did another search for a good place to grab some dinner. A commonly recommended place called The Celt came up and it happened to be right around the corner from my hostel. Again, I sat there and had to mentally prepare for 20 minutes before actually leaving, asking myself all of the stupid questions of what could possibly go wrong. On a side note, why do I do this? Why do I constantly fret about the possible things that may or may not go wrong? I think it’s because I hate feeling like a naïve fool when someone preventable DOES go wrong and I didn’t have the forethought to recognize that; but I’ve come to the conclusion that potential unpleasant experiences associated with dining are not worth the stress I put myself through. I need to work on this. So anyway, I walked into The Celt and looked around to see very few available seats at the bar; naturally, my stomach knotted up and I panicked just a little. Since I spent this time panicking, the best available seat got taken by another person, at which point I realized it was time to stop panicking and time to get the next best seat, which happened to be right next to her with the tiniest plot of bar space I’ve ever seen. I essentially had to eat off of the wall, that’s how small my space was.
As I approached the seat, I asked the other woman if she was waiting on someone. She responded with a “no” and I immediately realized she was also American, which set me at ease. I’m still self-conscious around Irish people, being the foreigner in their country. The bartender approached us and asked what we wanted, and we both responded with an “I don’t know yet.” I scanned the beer options and spotted a blonde ale and decided on that. The bartender came back around and proceeded to take only her order, as she asked for the Smithwick’s Blonde Ale and a menu. Hm, that’s strange - I’m getting the same thing, I thought to myself. When he brought hers back, he took my order. A few minutes later he came back around to get our food orders and again, he took hers first. “I’ll have the smoked salmon,” she said. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me right? I thought, as I had literally decided on the same thing. I felt slightly creepy. So the bartender took my order as well and I ordered the same thing, feeling creepy. But you know what? I ended up talking to this woman all night at the bar and exchanging contact information in case we both wanted to do something the next few days. Even if I never speak to her again, that experience made me feel 100% better about being a solo traveler/diner/tourist. And even on my way out, I struck up a conversation with a Canadian woman who frequents Ireland. Like it is literally that easy to meet people.
I’m really glad I went to that pub last night; I realized that while I won’t always strike up conversations with people and make friends when I sit at a bar alone, it’s really not that hard to do it when it does happen and it’s really not that hard to just sit there alone when it doesn’t.
